A friend told me that these online sites are frequented by some very strange people, so I figured I should filter out a few folks by asking some serious questions. Please answer honestly:
1) Are you a fan of Miley Cyrus?
2) Have you watched more than two episodes of 'The Only Way Is Essex'?
If you've answered 'no' to both questions, then congratulations, you've passed the first test! If you answered 'yes' to either question, then I'm afraid that there's no way we'll get along. Sorry!
For those of you who have got this far, this is me: I'm a short, flirty blonde looking for discreet NSA fun with a very specific criteria of man/woman:
- Age Range: 25-38 years. I don't sleep with people old enough to be my parent or grandparent...
- Appearance: Just don't be flea-ridden. I don't want fleas. Be well-groomed both clothed and unclothed.
- Build: Slim/muscly. Avoid the Bruce Bogtrotter look.
- Education: Primary school (Understand how capital letters work, and the difference between 'your' and 'you're', 'their', 'they're' and 'there' etc)
- Ethnicity: Caucasian. I'm attracted to white people, just like quite a few black people on here seem to be, too.
- Hair: Full head of (not bald or shaven!). This does not necessarily apply to your groin.
- Interests: Well-travelled people with the capacity to read and understand a profile.
- Lingo: I expect you to talk like Prince Charles. Rather ironically for an Essex girl, I am an accent snob. Do not tlk 2 me lyk dis innit. No, seriously.
- Location: Within a ten-mile radius of Chelmsford. Unless Google Maps is lying to me, London, Suffolk and Kent are MORE than ten miles away.
- Marital Status: Single. Fear for your testicles if you are married.
- Other: Tattooed/pierced/smokers steer clear!
- Profile: Complete with face and body photos, along with information about you as a human bean (yes, morons on here, it IS supposed to say 'human bean'...Look up 'Roald Dahl' after you've finished researching how to use capital letters).
I am currently in an open relationship with my partner (he's not interested in joining in for a threesome, before you ask), so anything beyond casual sex is a no no.
If you've got THIS far, then you're welcome to send me a message ;-) Good luck with it- in case you hadn't worked it out by now, I'm pretty fussy about who I'll meet :-P