Please read to the end before you message me for a private chat or asking for a meet!
That way you won't waste your time. And I know it is a long profile but if you can't manage to read this, then you won't be able to manage me either ;)
I don't arrange to meet anyone on the day we start chatting. I need to get to know someone a little bit first.
However, if you're seriously interested in getting to know me and wanting to meet after you've read this lengthy profile ;) then ask for my details to send me a face pic and you can see mine.
If I'm not interested after seeing a face pic I just won't start chatting. It's just wasting your time lol. In the same way, after you've seen mine you don't have to start chatting with me!
And I'm not going to get into why you're not floating my boat because I tend to just get verbally abused when egos get hurt. Men really don't take rejection well I have found. Whereas I just weep in to my cider and eat more chocolate lol
I'm looking for a guy who'll treat me like a princess, call me Sweetheart, shower me with gifts and hearts and flowers and shit... Hang on... No, that's NOT me!
PLEASE don't send me messages calling me darling, love or any other crappy term of endearment.
I'm only looking for casual relationships, friends with benefits and someone to chat to on boring evenings... I'm a mum - and don't get that much free time - but I try to make the best of what I get ;)
Please don't message me if you're not single. I DO NOT do married/attached men. I don't care if you're unhappy or not.
I'm not looking to send you endless dirty pics and vids on demand to relieve your horniness. I will... when I'M in the mood. But as I said, I'm a mum and I am not going to drop everything to send you a picture of my pussy! I don't do am 'OnDemand' service. You can always ask but if the answer is no it means no!
If I was meant to be controlled I'd have come with a remote.
I like a guy who can hold a conversation, make me laugh, turn me on with words, fuck me stupid and cuddle me after ;)
Please note the cuddles are important (unless we're meeting for a quickie fuck in the woods...)
You need to live within a reasonable distance and be able to accommodate, because while hotel meets would be exciting... it's not practical on a long-term basis and I'm not looking for a string of one night stands.
I really don't have a 'type' (unless it's Jon Bon Jovi mmmmm...) but I know what I like when I see it. Oh, and I do like a guy with tats ;)
I DON'T like full beards or hairy men - (men with beards never seem to read this bit!)
Also not into clean cut boys - too 'nice' looking lol
I'm not into guys who describe themselves as professional or talk about money. I don't fuck Tories or UKIP supporters! *Pukes
I'm not looking for anyone older than me or ridiculously young lol (that means below 22)
Oh and if you're into shoving your cock down a woman's throat - or cumming on her face - move on quickly. But if you're into hard rough sex, pulling hair and spanking - move this way lol.
I'm happy with who I am. I'm not typically 'gorgeous' and I could afford to lose more than a few pounds - but I've got great tits ;)
I'm an old hippy chick type and not particularly girly. I speak my mind and don't suffer fools gladly. I drink, smoke ;) and swear. I'm not a lady but I can scrub up well enough when necessary lol.
I'm not a Dom or a cougar. I'm a definite sub and love being a slut ;) I like being naughty, taking risks and having fun with it... I'll try most things at least once - and possibly have since being on here lol
For lots of reasons, I can't accommodate. And I don't care how normal you say you are I'm not making that mistake again lol
Medical Warning:-
I've had major spinal surgery and have more metal in my back than... a thing with lots of metal in... so if you're wanting a gymnastic cowgirl Daisy Duke chick perhaps don't msg me... FYI doesn't affect being fucked hard doggy style. Thank goodness :)
You've got to the end 'Well Done!' *Sarcastic cow aren't I? ;)
Not quite 'War and Peace' as one witty guy claimed but yes it's detailed. I don't want us to spend hours talking for you to figure out that I'm not your type or vice versa. I think its best to get things out in the open to begin with.
Now try wading through the diaries lol